The roar of my motorcycle echoed through the desert as I raced toward Sedona, chasing something I couldn’t quite name—a truth I hoped to find at a retreat called The Power of Love. The journey began after a night of drinking and using drugs, leaving me with a dreadful hangover and a desperate need for change. I had signed up for a letting-go retreat hosted by my mentor, Hale Dwoskin, but I woke up later than planned, groggy and disoriented. The retreat was scheduled to begin at 7 pm in Sedona, Arizona, over six hours away from my home in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

I hastily packed my motorcycle, a powerful sport touring beast, and hit the road. The wind whipped against my face as I leaned into the curves of the highway, the engine’s growl drowning out my thoughts. The desert stretched endlessly on either side, a blur of red rock and sagebrush under the blazing sun. The heat radiated off the asphalt, and the rhythmic hum of the tires on the road became a kind of meditation. I pushed the bike to its limits, the speedometer needle climbing past 115 miles per hour, as if I could outrun the exhaustion and regret from the night before.

As I sped through the desert, battling exhaustion and the relentless wind, I didn’t realize I was also racing toward something far greater than Sedona. The journey wasn’t just about reaching the retreat—it was about breaking through the barriers I’d built within myself.

I was determined not to miss a single moment of that retreat. The process of letting go had dramatically improved my life, and I was eager to deepen my understanding and experience of it. Battling the wind, traffic, and my own fatigue, I pressed on, my focus locked on the horizon.

I reached the retreat center at 6:55 pm, feeling drained and ragged from my journey. A friend from previous retreats greeted me with a teasing, "You're late!" His words stung more than they should have, given the grueling journey I’d just endured. I forced a smile and replied, "No, I’m right on time," determined not to let his comment dampen my resolve. I found a seat, and the retreat, aptly titled The Power of Love, began at 7 pm. This topic intrigued me, as I had tasted unconditional love when I first began my journey of letting go and desired to explore it further.

The retreat began with Hale introducing the essence of love and leading a group release. During this retreat, I released alongside everyone else. I was so physically and emotionally depleted from my journey and the lingering hangover that there was no resistance to the process.

As I released, I began to sense a growing feeling of love, gradually deepening into a state of presence and love. Suddenly, it hit me—a wave of love so profound it felt like the universe itself had cracked open. My chest swelled with warmth, my breath caught in my throat, and tears poured down my face. It was as if every barrier I’d ever built around my heart had dissolved in an instant, leaving me exposed to the infinite beauty and tenderness of existence.

It was as if I had transitioned from ordinary existence to gazing into the depths of eternity in an instant. The feeling of love was both potent and effortless, offering a profound sense of delight and freedom. Along with love came an overwhelming feeling of infinite beauty. It was as if I had collapsed into the source of all love and beauty. I began to laugh and cry tears of joy.

The retreat concluded two hours later, but the sense of love and beauty endured. My heart ignited, and the flames burned brightly. I left the retreat center and checked into my Airbnb, a small private casita on the host's property. The host showed me my room, a standard space with a bed, kitchenette, and bathroom—nothing extravagant, but nice. Immersed in the feeling of love and grace, I was overjoyed and full of gratitude upon seeing my room. I walked in and said something like, "Wow! This is great!" My host replied, "I like your enthusiasm!" upon seeing my reaction.

That night, while lying in bed, laughter and tears of joy persisted, intertwined with a sense of unconditional love. When I woke up the next morning, these feelings remained. I stepped onto the back porch to enjoy the morning air and a coffee; I spotted a group of javelinas passing by on their foraging route. I felt an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude toward these creatures. It was as though my heart had completely opened and the boundary between heaven and earth had dissolved. The love I experienced extended to everything around me and within me, much like the sun's rays bathing every creature and blade of grass in its warm embrace.

This extraordinary feeling endured for several more hours before gradually subsiding. I felt a certain sense of relief after it passed. The intensity of this experience isn’t something you would want to keep continuously. Yet, once you’ve experienced it even once, for just a single moment, you realize it’s always present, always here and now.

In that moment, I understood: love isn’t something to be found—it’s something to be uncovered. Like the sun behind the clouds, it’s always here, waiting. The way to realize this love is to let go of everything that obscures it. It is eternal, pure, and always present.

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