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How to Get Over a Bad Breakup Fast

Breakups are painful. It hurts to lose someone you cared for – even if you know deep down it’s for the best. The feelings of shame, guilt, grief, and apathy left after a relationship ends can be painful. Sometimes we carry these feelings for far too long. This robs us of our enjoyment and colors our perception. Often people with unresolved feelings from previous relationships will end up repeating the same patterns with different relationships.

It doesn’t have to be this way. In this article, you’re going to discover some simple, proven techniques you can use get over a breakup quickly.

Relationships Take Time to Heal

Anytime a relationship ends, it takes time to heal. Like a physical wound, there’s a healing process that takes time. However, it doesn’t have to take that long. A physical wound can take a few days, a few weeks, or a few months, but usually not longer. Healing the emotional wounds left after a breakup doesn’t have to take longer than that either.

Picking a wound or not caring for it properly slows down the healing process. The same goes for the emotional wounds left behind after a breakup. We often pick our emotional wounds after a breakup or don’t tend them properly.

Here are some common ways we slow down the healing process:

Blame and Judgement

We frequently blame ourselves or our partner after a breakup. But blame won’t do you any good. It doesn’t matter who did what or what went wrong. The relationship is over. When we blame or judge, we are focusing on the negative aspects of the relationship. This doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t serve you.

And blame and judgement demand punishment. When you blame or judge, it’s you who gets the punishment. We punish ourselves after a breakup in many different ways. One of the common ways is to go right back into another dysfunctional relationship. We put ourselves through the same painful process all over again. Another way we punish ourselves is to deny ourselves any relationship or love. A life devoid of love is the ultimate punishment because without love, there is no happiness or joy.

When you let go of the guilt and forgive yourself and your former partner you will stop punishing yourself. This article show you a practical exercise for doing this.

Trying to Escape or Suppress the Pain

Another way we slow down the healing process is to escape or suppress the emotional pain. We do this in many ways. A few examples include food, alcohol, or having empty, meaningless sex. Escape can feel good in the moment, but the escape is a temporary fix. After the alcohol wears off, the tub of ice cream lays empty, or the sex ends, the agony returns.

Some people become addicts in their attempt to escape their emotional pain. Because of the temporary nature of escape, we tend to use it as much as we can to escape suffering. This doesn’t work. The consequences can ruin our health, careers, finances, and reputation.

Expression and Lashing Out

Another way to deal with a the pain of a breaking is expression. This can be healthier than escaping or suppressing the feelings. Having a good cry or venting your feelings to a friend or therapist can alleviate the suffering of a breakup.

But society conditions us against expression. Society tells us “big girls don’t cry” or “real men don’t cry” and so we often choose suppression and escape rather than expression. And expression isn’t always appropriate in the moment. You wouldn’t want to scream or cry, at work. Many times we’ve suppressed so much we can’t even allow ourselves to express how we feel.

Along with suppression can come lashing out. We feel so angry or betrayed by our partner, we seethe inside and devise ways to get back at them. It may seem like retribution will heal your broken heart, but it will not. Retaliation may give you a temporary boost, but it will only add to your pain. After you have gotten your revenge you may feel more guilt for doing something mean and nasty to another human being, let alone someone you once loved. This guilt only adds to your agony.

Letting Go: The Key to Healing Your Broken Heart

The third and best option for dealing with painful feelings after a breakup is letting go. It’s a natural ability we all have, is seldom used. Have you ever seen a child upset, only to be happy and joyful a few moments later like nothing had happened? This is the magic of letting go. We all had the ability to let go as children, but our parents, society, and institutions conditioned us against it.

They tell us to “suck it up” or “keep a stiff upper lip”. Instead of processing our emotions in a natural way, we suppress them or hold them back. This becomes a habit we carry with us into our adult alives.

You don’t have to keep suppressing your feelings. And you don’t have to express them, either. Letting go is the simplest and most effective way to heal from any past trauma. It’s easy to learn, and easy to do.

How to Let Go

There are only two steps involved in letting go: welcoming, and deciding to let go of the emotion. This is the opposite of what we usually do with uncomfortable feelings. We normally try to escape them or get rid of them in some way. This doesn’t work, it only strengthens the power of the emotion. As Carl Jung famously said, “that which you resist, persists”.

Instead of resisting the emotion, welcome or allow it instead. That’s step one. Often allowing is enough for the emotion to release all on its own. If there is still some emotional charge left, the next step is to decide to let it go. This too goes against our normal behavior. Often we hold onto emotions as if they are meaningful or important.

Feelings Only Lie…

For example, we have a common belief that fear keeps you safe. But that’s simply not true. Most of the time fear works against you. The paralyzing effect of fear often prevents people from taking the action necessary to keep themselves and loved ones safe. You’ll also hear stories about how people overcame fear to escape danger or achieve great things.

This brings us to the next point about letting go: feelings only lie, they tell you what you will get from letting them go what you are already getting from holding on.

Later on we are going to let go of some common post-breakup feelings. And if you can remember that feelings only lie, it will be easier for you to let them go. When you let go, you will feel lighter, happier, and more comfortable. The suffering you feel will at least be lighter. If you keep letting go, it will disappear or dissolve completely.

Common Post-Breakup Feelings and How to Let Them Go

There are several common feelings people experience after a breakup, they are:

  • Shame – A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

  • Guilt – Feeling like it’s your fault and/or judging or blaming others

  • Apathy – Feeling hopeless, helpless, or like you are the victim.

  • Grief – The feeling of sorrow, loss, and regret.

There are, of course, other feelings we can experience after a breakup. The above feelings make breakups the most painful. If you can them let go, you heal the wound left by your relationship rather than picking at it or letting it fester. Letting go of these four feelings will make a huge difference in your post-breakup life.

How to Let Go of Shame

Shame is the most painful of all emotions and proximate to death. Often people kill themselves in one way or another due to intense shame feelings. After a breakup, it’s common to experience the pain of “losing face” or feeling like a “nonperson.” We hang our heads and slink away, wishing we could disappear. 

The good news is because shame is so heavy and painful, there’s a big incentive to let it go. Just like it is easy for you to drop a 100 lb weight, it’s easy to let go of shame. It weighs so heavily on our consciousness and drains our energy, so the incentive to drop it high.

Use this 3-Step Process to Let Go of Shame:

Step 1: Allow yourself to think of some situation in your life, where you’ve been feeling shame. Just take the first thought or feeling that comes to mind.

Step 2: Could you welcome whatever pictures, sensations, or sounds that brings up in awareness? Could you allow that to be here just for now?

Step 3: Could you let go of the feeling of shame? Just do the best you can. It’s just a decision. So could you decide to drop that feeling of shame, just for now?

Repeat these steps until you feel like you’ve released the feeling of shame and you’re ready to move onto the next emotion.

How to Let Go of Guilt

After a breakup, we feel guilt over the things we did or didn’t do. We also judge or blame our former partner for whatever they did or didn’t do. Guilt provokes rage. Sometimes rage leads to murder and killing. We often think of anger as the emotion of violence and killing, but way more people are killed because of feelings of guilt than anger.

You can feel guilt over a breakup for the rest of your life, or you can decide to let it go now and be free of it forever. Letting go of guilt is like pulling out a splinter from your skin. It feels much better and the healing can now begin.

Use this 3-Step Process to Let Go of Guilt:

Step 1: Allow yourself to think of some situation in your life, where you’ve been feeling guilt. Where you’ve been judging or blaming yourself or others. Just take the first thought or feeling that comes to mind.

Step 2: Could you welcome whatever pictures, sensations, or sounds that brings up in awareness? Could you allow that to be here just for now?

Step 3: Could you let go of the feeling of guilt? Just do the best you can. It’s just a decision. So could you decide to drop that feeling of guilt, just for now?

Repeat these steps until you feel like you’ve released the feeling of guilt and you’re ready to move onto the next emotion.

How to Let Go of Apathy

Apathy is a feeling of numbness or powerlessness. Like “it’s no use in trying”. A common apathy-driven dialogue we have after a relationship goes like this:

“I just keep making the same relationship mistakes. I’m no good and the people I date are no good. I guess I’ll be alone forever. Why did I even try?”

Apathy is a better feeling than guilt or shame, but it still feels bad. There’s no power in apathy. Often there is a feeling that we are the victim. It’s a low energy, low empowerment emotional state.

Many people stay in apathy way too long after a breakup. They tell and retell the stories of how terrible their ex was. And this keeps them miserable. You don’t have to do that. You can easily release apathy using the same process we’ve been doing. Here it is:

Use this 3-Step Process to Let Go of Apathy:

Step 1: Allow yourself to think of some situation in your life, where you’ve been feeling apathy. Where you’ve been feeling powerless, like “it’s no use” or like you are the victim. Just take the first thought or feeling that comes to mind.

Step 2: Could you welcome whatever pictures, sensations, or sounds that brings up in awareness? Could you allow that to be here just for now?

Step 3: Could you let go of the feeling of apathy? Just do the best you can. It’s just a decision you can make right now. So could you decide to drop that feeling of apathy, just for now?

Repeat these steps until you feel like you’ve released the feeling of apathy and you’re ready to move onto the next emotion.

How to Let Go of Grief

Grief is common emotion we experience after a breakup. In grief, we feel things are too difficult; we’ll never make it; we are unloving and unlovable. We have thoughts such as, “All the years I’ve wasted.” It is a feeling of sorrow, loss, and regret.

With grief come feelings of abandonment, pain, helplessness, and hopelessness. It’s common to experience nostalgia for the way things were – wishing we could go back.

It’s the feeling: “I’ll never get over this. It’s too difficult. I tried, but nothing helps.”

It’s not too difficult. Grief can be let go of just like any other emotion. There is a natural healing process after a relationship that takes time. You can’t be rid of grief right after a breakup just like you can’t heal your a wound right after the injury. But most people hold onto grief for far too long. They don’t let the wound heal.

Once you let go of grief, you will feel like things are looking up. Like maybe you can love again and that things will be alright. Try it and see for yourself.

Use this 3-Step Process to Let Go of Grief:

Step 1: Allow yourself to think of some situation in your life, where you’ve been feeling grief. Where you’ve been experiencing sorrow, loss, or loneliness. Just take the first thought or feeling that comes to mind.

Step 2: Could you welcome whatever pictures, sensations, or sounds that brings up in awareness? Could you allow that to be here just for now?

Step 3: Could you let go of the grief? Just do the best you can. It’s just a decision you can make right now. So could you decide to drop that feeling, just for now?

Repeat these steps until you feel like you’ve released your grief.

Letting Go of Other Breakup Emotions

There are of course many other emotions you might still be going through. But if you continue to welcome them, and let them go then you will release them and they will no longer pain your consciousness.

I hope you continue to use this process. It may seem difficult at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Soon you will find letting go becomes natural for you. And the more you let go, the more you will elevate your mood. You will feel happier and more loving. And this will pave the way for a new relationship – one that’s even better than the one you had before!

I can help you get over your break up…

Now you can get a free 1-on-1 coaching session with me to help you get over your ex and move on with your life. You’ll discover my “secret” method that heals past relationships so you can move on with your life.

To claim your free session, sign up below. On the next page, you’ll be connected with my scheduling app where you can find a time that works best for you.