The Truth About Love (It’s Not What You Think)
Love is not what you think. What we often think of as love is romantic love.
But romantic love is not true love. It is desire.
The Spanish language recognizes this. In many ways Spanish is more honest than English.
The Spanish word for “I love you” is “te quiero”, which literally translates to “I want you.”
Another word for romantic love could be “egoic love”. It is conditional love.
When we love another in this way, what we’re really saying is, “I love you, but only if you meet my expectations.”
This form of love is limited. And because the ego is involved, the loss of this love creates suffering and emotional pain - grief, anger, guilt, etc.
There’s a common belief that love is outside of us. We believe that love is in the body of others and that we have to get it from their body into our body.
But this isn’t true. All of us have an infinite well of love within us in every moment.
My Experience of True Unconditional Love
When I first realized this unconditional love within myself, the experience was exquisite. It was like an orgasm of the soul.
I had experienced human love several times before. This kind of love can make you sick. When I first fell in love, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t think straight, either.
But the experience of unconditional love isn’t like that. There’s a healing quality to it. It brings clarity and peace.
In the moment I first tasted this infinite love, I felt complete redemption. Like all my past wrongdoings had been forgiven or washed away.
And I felt a level of happiness that I didn’t even know was possible.
Anyone Can Experience Unconditional Love
You can experience this infinite love yourself. The process is very simple: let go of all non-love feelings.
These feelings are covering up the true love within us, like clouds covering the sun. As this fog is lifted, the infinite love within us shines brighter and brighter.
The main objective of my coaching program is to let go of non-love feelings. These feelings prevent us from recognizing true unconditional love that is always available to us.
Holding onto non-love feelings also harms our health, finances, and relationships. And they create tremendous suffering.
So you have a big incentive to release non-love feelings.
How to Let Go Of Non-Love Feelings
There are only two steps involved in letting go: welcoming, and deciding to let go of the emotion. This is the opposite of what we usually do with uncomfortable feelings.
We normally try to escape them or get rid of them in some way. This doesn’t work, it only strengthens the power of the emotion. As Carl Jung famously said, “that which you resist, persists”.
Instead of resisting the emotion, welcome or allow it instead. That’s step one. Often allowing is enough for the emotion to release all on its own. If there is still some emotional charge left, the next step is to decide to let it go.
This too goes against our normal behavior. Often we hold onto emotions as if they are meaningful or important.
Feelings Only Lie…
For example, we have a common belief that fear keeps you safe. But that’s simply not true. Most of the time fear works against you.
The paralyzing effect of fear often prevents people from taking the action necessary to keep themselves and loved ones safe. You’ll also hear stories about how people overcame fear to escape danger or achieve great things.
This brings us to the next point about letting go: feelings only lie, they tell you what you will get from letting them go what you are already getting from holding on.
If you can remember that feelings only lie, it will be easier for you to let them go. When you let go, you will feel lighter, happier, and more comfortable. At the very least the suffering that non-love feelings create will be lessened. If you keep letting go, it will disappear or dissolve completely.
Exercise: Letting Go of Non-Love Feelings
Allow yourself to think of some situation in your life where you’ve been feeling non-love feelings. It could be a situation at home, at work, or a traumatic event from your past.
And just take the first thought or feeling that comes to mind.
And could you welcome whatever pictures, sensations, or sounds that brings up in awareness? Could you allow that to be here, just for now? Could you allow yourself to experience fully, the emotion this situation brings up?
And then, could you let that feeling go? Letting go is just a decision you can make in any moment. If you can say “yes” inside or simply open inside, the feeling will release.
Repeat this process as many times as necessary to release the feeling. It may seem difficult at first or like it’s not working, but it is. Letting go is like a muscle, the more you work it, the stronger it gets.
If you release non-love feelings as they arise, you will soon find yourself releasing these feelings naturally and effortlessly.
And as you let go of non-love feelings, you will feel love more and more. And with that love will comes happiness. The more loving you are, the happier you are.
But don't take my word for it. Try it letting go and see for yourself.